The truth about today

Today was hard.  I've been reminded to not pretend that motherhood isn't hard, so I won't.  It is.  It really is.  Especially on nights when I'm being woken every 90 minutes.  Especially on nights  when my good sleeper wakes and wants her Mommy.  It continues to be hard...

• on Sunday mornings when I am supposed to feel calm, and I only feel tempted to climb back into bed and skip church all together
• when we go to our new ward for the first time and I cry in sacrament, looking around and feeling scared
• when all of my skirts for church look so small there is no way I believe I'll fit into them again, and I kind of just want to throw them into the donation pile
• when Amelia chooses to not listen, goes potty by herself, and tries to wipe her rear end, proceeding to get it all over the toilet seat
• when I'm sitting in 12:30 church and I remember I never fed my poor girl lunch.  Let's hope her Sunbeam teacher brought snacks, which I'm doubtful
• when I clean up smashed raspberries and spilled applesauce within 5 minutes of each other
• when Amelia empties an entire brand new bottle of Shampoo into her bath, knowing full well that she was going to get in trouble for doing so
• hearing your three year old say "I just want you to be happy Mom" after I got a little  lot more upset than I should have (see potty scene above)
• putting baby boy into clean pajamas just to have him projectile vomit all of the hard worked for breast milk that I literally just finished providing him with
• sitting down for the night, exhausted, but not ready to throw in the towel...because I still really want an hour or so of lights down, kids down time
• looking around and seeing a pile of clean clothes that need folding and wood floor that needs cleaning
• when I look at pictures from the past five weeks and notice that I'm the Mom who let her child go to the grocery store in her pajamas...and another time as Cinderella

• and maybe when more pictures than not have her hair pulled up into a messy bun and completely unbrushed

I'm quite positive that if I looked up "Mommy Guilt" in the dictionary, today, there would be a picture of me.

BUT...today, what I did do was kiss my little ones well over 25 times each. I provided some  food and nourishment, I kept them clothed (well if I don't count that Mia ran around in her tights only for the majority of the night), kept them clean, kept them safe (minus my slight freak out over the toilet incident), took her to learn about our Savior Jesus Christ, and kept my self sane with a Diet Dr. Pepper :)

You know when "they" ask you which famous person you'd invite over for dinner?  Is it wrong if I'd choose Charles Alderton...the inventor of Dr.Pepper.  Hmmm?