Backtrack #3:The greatest compliment

I can't think of anything I'd rather hear Nick say about me than that I'm the best Mom in the world.  Now, each Mother is biased in her opinion about her children's Father, and knowing this, I can whole heartily say "Amelia has the best Daddy for her in the world!" 

I may have carried this little girl for nine months, but since day one there has been no doubt she was a Daddy's girl, and three years later she still is.  After all, Daddy's are a daughters first love.

Backtrack #2:Never Forget

There are so many things I hope to never forget about Amelia, this in particular.  Each night as we laid our baby girl into bed, she would stick her sweet little face through the slats in her crib.  She would stay perched there with her lips puckered tight just begging for a kiss, and another and another.  Her nightly ritual consisted of moving rhythmically through all 45 crib slats with lips stretched out and receiving a kiss in return.  I smiled and laughed each and every night.  Almost daily I have an experience that melts my heart, but few surpass this memory.

Backtrack #1:Tiny Dancer

"I love to spin, I love to twirl,  I was born a dancing girl"

Amelia started dance class right after her second birthday.  If she could have talked before that I'm sure all I would have heard was "Mommy, can I please start dancing?"  She happily participates in all dance classes while we're at the gym.  Whether the girls are 2 years old or 6 years old, Amelia stands at the bar just perfectly and does exactly as she's told.  Although I'm writing this almost a year after these pictures were taken, she still has the same love for dance.  She plays "ballerina" nearly every day, she smiles ear to ear when it's Tuesday or Wednesday, her dance days, she makes up dances and sings songs to go a long with the dance and she lays out her dance outfit the night before so that she can get right into it the moment she wakes.  

I hope she continues to have passion for what she loves, I hope she continues to find joy in what she loves, and I hope she continues to recognize what she loves!!

The truth about today

Today was hard.  I've been reminded to not pretend that motherhood isn't hard, so I won't.  It is.  It really is.  Especially on nights when I'm being woken every 90 minutes.  Especially on nights  when my good sleeper wakes and wants her Mommy.  It continues to be hard...

• on Sunday mornings when I am supposed to feel calm, and I only feel tempted to climb back into bed and skip church all together
• when we go to our new ward for the first time and I cry in sacrament, looking around and feeling scared
• when all of my skirts for church look so small there is no way I believe I'll fit into them again, and I kind of just want to throw them into the donation pile
• when Amelia chooses to not listen, goes potty by herself, and tries to wipe her rear end, proceeding to get it all over the toilet seat
• when I'm sitting in 12:30 church and I remember I never fed my poor girl lunch.  Let's hope her Sunbeam teacher brought snacks, which I'm doubtful
• when I clean up smashed raspberries and spilled applesauce within 5 minutes of each other
• when Amelia empties an entire brand new bottle of Shampoo into her bath, knowing full well that she was going to get in trouble for doing so
• hearing your three year old say "I just want you to be happy Mom" after I got a little  lot more upset than I should have (see potty scene above)
• putting baby boy into clean pajamas just to have him projectile vomit all of the hard worked for breast milk that I literally just finished providing him with
• sitting down for the night, exhausted, but not ready to throw in the towel...because I still really want an hour or so of lights down, kids down time
• looking around and seeing a pile of clean clothes that need folding and wood floor that needs cleaning
• when I look at pictures from the past five weeks and notice that I'm the Mom who let her child go to the grocery store in her pajamas...and another time as Cinderella

• and maybe when more pictures than not have her hair pulled up into a messy bun and completely unbrushed

I'm quite positive that if I looked up "Mommy Guilt" in the dictionary, today, there would be a picture of me.

BUT...today, what I did do was kiss my little ones well over 25 times each. I provided some  food and nourishment, I kept them clothed (well if I don't count that Mia ran around in her tights only for the majority of the night), kept them clean, kept them safe (minus my slight freak out over the toilet incident), took her to learn about our Savior Jesus Christ, and kept my self sane with a Diet Dr. Pepper :)

You know when "they" ask you which famous person you'd invite over for dinner?  Is it wrong if I'd choose Charles Alderton...the inventor of Dr.Pepper.  Hmmm?

I just want a bath

This was my view from the bathtub this morning.

This was also my view from the toilet this afternoon.

Not to mention, my view from my closet as I attempted to get dressed for the day.

Yesterday, Nick took Amelia to the store with him, I tried to wait until the door closed before I jumped off the couch with more energy than I've had in the past 5 weeks. You see, Bennett had just gone to sleep and I had a hot bath, some dark chocolate and the newest Ensign waiting for me! I was about to enjoy my first quite bath in well over two months. Not 3 minutes into my self proclaimed hour at the spa...and I hear whimpering. It turns into soft cries, I pretend he is just having a bad dream, babies have those ya know? Oh they don't! Damn. Of course, you already know, those soft cries turn into full on screams, and before I know it, my wet magazine is sitting on the floor and my naked post baby body is stomping through the house to pick up the said child. My first hot bath in months has now become a bathing zone for Bennett and myself. I may have lost my alone time for the day, but then I remember that in 50 years, I won't remember my "hour at the spa", I'll remember the day I was bathing with my babe and he smiled at me for the first time. And now, he is slumberously sleeping my my arms.

Thoughts

Three years ago I wrote the following:

2 weeks ago...

...I was being admitted to the hospital
...my life was about to change forever
...my love for Nick was about to soar through the roof
...I was about to experience the purest miracle of creation
...I was about to gain an undeniable testimony of eternal families
...my understanding of a "mother's love" was about to be known
...my restless nights were about to begin
...my heart was about to be softened
...my outlook on life was about to change
...my desire for many more children was about to surface
...a sweet little girl was about to wrap Nick and I around her finger
...I was about to be someones sole source for survival
...my prayers were about to be answered
...my daydreams were about to be reality
...my strongest emotions were about to be shaken
...the greatest joy I have ever known was about to look into my eyes and melt my heart forever

Fast forward 3 years and I find myself with these same feelings all over again. It's truly a wonder that your heart can grow five times its size the moment your infant is placed in your arms. It didn't just realign it's love departments, making less room for Amelia and new room for Bennett, it truly grew. It created more space as I watched Amelia take her new baby brother in her arms and her eyes lit up as bright as the sun, it continued to grow as I watched Nick hold in his arms his son who will carry on his name, and it grew even more as I rocked my babe in the wee hours of the night, nurturing his every need. I've found myself wondering how our bodies can house so much love without bursting at the seams. How can my heart continue to grow with each new baby? I guess it just does, it's absolutely incredible, and I am so fortunate to experience it.

It's almost been a year

I've had good intentions for an entire year, but I think it's high time I get on the band wagon again. I just read back through all my old posts from when baby girl was just a wee one, and I so thoroughly enjoyed reflecting back on everything. Our sweet baby boy deserves to have the same memories recorded. Mark my words, at least one new post will go up tomorrow :)

Disney On Ice!

I made a super quick decision a few months back and bought 5 tickets to Disney On Ice. I had a "purchase early" code so I was able to buy them before the general public. The seats were amazing! Dead center, 3rd row on the ice. We went with Lori, Jessi, Amelia, myself and Alyssa. Next year, we are going to get the entire family to go. It was so much fun!

Getting ready to leave

Pre show Sno Cone

Aunt Jessi

Picking out her Tinker Bell cup

Show begins

...and this is what she looked like for the next 1 1/2. She LOVED it!

Christmas Morning

We woke up about 8:00 Christmas Morning. Amelia wasn't sure what to think. It took her a minute to figure out why there were new toys just sitting there waiting for her. Once she got the hang of opening the presents...she didn't want to stop!

After our presents we're finished at home, we headed over to Grandma Lori and Papa Rick's. We opened LOTS more presents with them, ate breakfast, played with new toys and relaxed. We headed home to get dressed about 1:00, then came back for a fun evening of food and games.

UCI gear from Uncle Dan

Baby toys to keep at Tumble!

An ENORMOUS basketball hoop from Pete and Sharmela. Let's not talk about that. :)

My gift from Nick. An outdoor fire pit with all the fixings for 1,345,887 s'mores! He knows what I like!

More Christmas Eve

This was the first year we've stayed at our own home on Christmas Eve. It was fun. It really was. We read "T'was the Night Before Christmas" and watched a Christmas movie. I'm excited to really start traditions for our family. I've been thinking about them a lot lately. I have a few fun ones in mind to begin next year.

Santa's cookies and milk.

Skyler's Stocking

Each year the family selects another family to deliver Skyler's stocking to on Christmas Eve. Skyler is Nick's brother who died in a motorcycle accident 8 years ago. We remember him by giving to other's. He'd have loved it! This year it was a family of 6...the stocking was bigger than me. Literally.

Preparing the stocking.

Getting ready to head out the door.

Vaio twins, blogging on Christmas Eve

Aunties Kelsey and Jessi

The 2010 Card

We thought we'd leave ourselves out of the photo this year. She just makes it look so much better.